When you’re deep in gambling, it can feel like the only thing that exists. The next bet. The next deposit. The next way to win it back. Everything else fades: your friends, your family, your plans, even the person you used to be.
Matt Burgiss knows that feeling. Ten years ago gambling was his whole world. Today he’s married with a young child and says he’s the happiest he’s ever been. This week’s Sunday Project guest came from the UK to share how he got from there to here.
"It was everything in my life"
Matt’s gambling started small. He bought scratch cards at 15. At university he’d go for a drink with his soccer teammates after games and place a few small bets. It was social. It was fun.
Then came slot machines, then online gambling, and it slowly took over.
After university Matt’s dream came true. Within weeks of graduating he had an agent and was working as a professional actor, touring theaters across the UK and Europe. As a student he’d told himself gambling was a way to make money last until the next loan. Now he was being paid well and that excuse was gone. But the gambling wasn’t.
“That was when I started to realize I might be a bit addicted to this,” he said. “Can I actually stop?”
Instead of reaching out, he kept going. Between jobs he was gambling 16 or 17 hours a day.
“At the time I was gambling, it was the be-all and end-all,” he said. “It was everything in my life at that point. And that’s what makes it so difficult to stop.”
Hidden in plain sight
Matt lived with his parents between jobs and was very close to them. He talked through every big decision with them, even which TV to buy. But they had no idea what was happening upstairs.
“I remember losing large sums of money, closing my laptop, walking downstairs and saying ‘Hi Mum, you alright? What’s for dinner?'” he said.
If you’re hiding your gambling right now, you’ll know how exhausting that is. And you’ll know how alone it can make you feel, even in a house full of people who love you.
The lowest point
At 22, Matt lost everything he had and everything he could borrow in just a few hours. Overwhelmed by guilt and shame, he tried to end his life.
He survived. The road back was long, with months in hospital and a long time learning to walk again. But it was a road back.
Looking back Matt understands something that helped him heal. In those hours his mind narrowed until nothing else got through. “It made me realize that I wasn’t in control of it at all,” he said. “It’s not something people are in control of. That’s a really important thing to identify because then it confirms that you need the help.”
He also believes there were many chances along the way for someone to step in, from the gambling companies to his bank to the people around him. That’s why early intervention is now the message he shares wherever he goes.
If any part of this sounds like you, please don’t wait. Call or text 988 or call 1-800-GAMBLER today.
Forgiving himself
Marc Lefkowitz, who has worked in gambling treatment for more than 30 years and has been in his own recovery for over four decades, asked Matt the question so many people in recovery struggle with: how did you forgive yourself?
Matt was honest. It was the hardest part and it took years.
What helped was seeing the love and the network of people around him. He realized he might never forgive himself completely. “I’ve done it 95%,” he said. And he decided to use the other 5% differently.
“Rather than sitting on that, I use it as a motivator now,” he said. “My biggest single motivation to not gamble again is my family.”
He sees every day without gambling as his way of saying sorry. “Every day I don’t gamble is another day that I’ve appreciated those people,” he said.
Marc shared the words of lawyer Bryan Stevenson that he has seen proved true again and again: you’re not the worst thing you’ve ever done.
A new dream
As a teenager, Matt wanted one thing: to be a professional actor. Today he works in gambling harm prevention in the UK.
If you’d told him at 15 that he’d one day work in gambling harm prevention, he laughs, he wouldn’t have been impressed. “But I can honestly tell you that the work that I do now is my actual dream job.”
Giving back has become part of his recovery. “There’s something about that that has given me a bit of recovery that I didn’t even know I needed,” he said.
“We can’t keep what we don’t give away,” Marc said.
Matt also wants people to talk openly about the darkest parts of gambling addiction. Some people who have known him for years are still scared to ask about what happened. He’d rather they did. “Nothing’s off the table,” he said. “It’s the questions where you think ‘Should I ask that?’ where you get really good nuggets of information.”
"That wasn't everything"
What Matt most wants people still gambling to know is what he discovered on the other side.
“You find recovery and you realize that wasn’t everything,” he said. “That isn’t my entire life. That’s not my existence. That’s not my purpose.”
He looks back at the person who gambled 10 years ago and sees a completely different man. “I’m married and I’ve got a one-year-old child,” he said. “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life. And that is a possibility. I never thought that 10 years ago.”
He’s careful not to tell anyone there’s only one way to recover. “Recovery is so personal to you and there’s a million different ways to do it,” he said. What matters is reaching for help.
What recovery can look like
Dan Field, LCSW, Clinical Director of Westside Gambling Treatment, was honest that the early days aren’t easy. When you stop gambling it can feel a lot like depression for a while, because your brain has lost the old way it got its highs. That’s normal and it passes, especially with people around you.
Dan’s advice is to stay connected, even when you start feeling better. Groups, a therapist, people who understand. As time goes on you may need them less often but they keep you on track.
“People can and do get well,” Dan said.
Where to start
- Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) if you’re struggling right now.
- Call 1-800-GAMBLER to be connected with support and treatment. In California, it can connect you to free treatment sessions through CalGETS.
- Go to a meeting. Gamblers Anonymous meets in person and online across the US.
- Tell one person. The secret is the heaviest part. You don’t have to carry it alone.
Matt’s story is proof that the worst moment of your life doesn’t have to be the end of it. As Marc said: “You don’t have to solve everything today. You just have to stay here and allow people to help you.”
If betting has taken over your time, your money or your head, Stop Betting Sports can help. Join the Sunday Project every week, watch past episodes on YouTube at Stop Betting Sports, or reach out at stopbettingsports.com.
If you or someone you love is in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) in the US.
Support is available
Stop Betting Sports hosts free weekly support spaces for people affected by gambling – including parents and loved ones.